November | 2010 | on my lil cloud

The word ‘alone’ varies for everyone. For some, alone could mean – being alone in a loveless relationship or – be in a room surrounded by people but still feel alone. Most people, have a fear of being alone. Everybody wants their existence validated by at least one person and if that one person happens to be their lover,then everything else won’t matter. That in itself incapsulate love in its purest essence.

But back to the word ‘alone’ why do we fear it? Why has it been getting negative feedback? Why has it been turned into an evil entity when in actual fact you achieve a lot when you are mostly ‘alone’. In my younger years..i feared being alone..this is an honest to god confession. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without my friends ..family..bf..in tow..we’d do spontaneous thing but we’d always do it together..i was hardly alone until..i turned 22..had a bad break up, where the usual life changing experience would happen and decided that i don’t want to be afraid of being alone.

I told myself no matter how much i fear it..and its outcome..even though i’d end up gutted, i’d take a leap..and sort it a step at a time. I some what knew, this fear of being alone..plays into my insecurities..thus influencing myself confidence. I hate it..I don’t want to live my entire life fearing my own shadow. I realized i can’t be happy if i don’t accept my entire being. From then on, i constantly challenge myself to go places on my own..eat alone..hang out at parks by myself..dance by myself..be comfortable with my body..just be one with my own skin.

Over time myself esteem grew.i look at things differently now. Well much more than before but yeh, i’m able to step back and rationalize things without emotionally linking it to being alone. If it did , i know i would be able to take it with a stride and try my best to make it better for me. That’s all you can do..your best.

Ask yourself this, and be honest, have you ever felt absolutely content and relief with yourself after you’ve confessed everything to someone? Chances are most of you would say..”just for awhile but there’s always that uneasiness at the back..something unresolved”

Bottom line.. no one can make you happy..but you..