I fluff

To date, 2 of my ex’s are married and 1 is engaged.According to sources, he will be married at the end of the year.This is the recent ex [recent being 2 years ago] that i almost settled down with.Funny thing was, almost all of my friend knew..and non of them except for 1 told me. I didn’t take it too seriously at first coz i figured it could be just talk. Lately, I’ve been in a state of “let’s not speculate until its the real deal”. To my surprise the real deal came in a form of multiple engagement pictures in FacefreakinBook!…

It’s like they say, wish for it hard enough..and it will come to be. Here i was, faced with all this images of happiness. I was in complete shock. I couldn’t breathe. I knew that at some point he will come to this but i didn’t think that it’ll be soon. I felt it a little unfair that he got his happiness ever so quickly but I’m still very much on my own. The feeling of loneliness and paranoia kicked in full swing.

I started questioning myself. All the usual question rushing in my head.What’s wrong with me? Am i not pretty or smart enough? was i unkind? insensitive? and the list goes on and on. Then i realized that, my exs they do well after having being with me. Some of em’ gets married..some into a long and lasting relationship and some eveb grew a pair. Bottom line, they do better after me. So I’ve come to a conclusion. I think i’m an emotional fluffer. I fluff men emotionally. I make it easy for the next girl to go for the kill. I fluff and then they marry my men.I’ve been dealt a raw deal indeed. I try talking it out to a fellow friend who i thought was a friend. He felt that i should stop talking about it. That i should shut up about the whole thing and just keep it inside. He also feels i’m not over my ex. That alone has proved to me that he doesn’t know me well. I shouldn’t expect loyalty from him since he is one of my ex’s closes friend. In the end boys will choose boys. Bro’s before Hoe’s as they’d say. Ah well..that is life..it will never be fair..

For now, this emotional-men fluffer will keep it down low. Focus on me instead of others who i deem irrelevant. So far there has been a few..irrelevances..will try to surpass what ever emotion i have towards my ex , life..and our mutual friend. Connection to his side has been severed..mentally..