I love love love music…I can’t live without it. It’s like an extension of me. It says things i can’t say.When ever i share music with someone , its my way of saying you matter to me. And if i sing to them..and i look them right into their eyes…i want them to see my soul. It my grand gesture so to speak. Because of that i go to great length to find songs that speaks..not just to me but to the people i care…and love.
What is Change? according to the dictionary, change is : to make or become different. When do you change?, for who would you change? and for what cause would you change? I find it these days, people change for absolutely absurd reasons. Most of the time it occurs when they’re in a relationship. They change for their loves ones because they feel it’ll help the relationship. When almost every time, it doesn’t because the basis of the relationship was made on something unreal.
For me change or wanting to be different has to come on its own. It’s something i believe that you can not and must not force. When it does not come on its own free will, it’ll never work. It will never be honest. It won’t be you…Why change in the first place when what made you was the one that sold you to your other half..friends or family.. I believe that you weren’t made solely to complete someone’s life but rather be an accompaniment. I’d want to be with someone, who’d respect me for me and love me for me. Take me with all my messiness (if there’s such a word ) especially my hair.. yes its messy at the back DEAL WITH IT!!!, the fact that i don’t wear make up all the time but only on special occassions. Take me with all my absurd constant mumblings of everything and nothing. And no i will not wear those cute cheerleader skirts coz you think its cute!!!! Shut it! and the list goes on… *laughs* But yah..why change the essence that makes you..you.. The constant struggle of wanting to be liked and needed..
I’ve come to a stage in my life, where i know what i want and i’m not afraid to say what i want. Enough with all the sugar coating BULLSHIT. It’ll be much simpler if everything is laid out and explained slowly. And if they can’t accept it, its fine. It’s not the end of the world…(though at time it feels like it) but yah..pick yourself up..dust yourself off..and walk up..is all you can do..
I’ve always had this problem where people tend to misread my friendly ways. Some perceived it as being flirty. Granted at some point I can be a big flirt at times but to only quiet guys. I don’t know why I do it maybe just to make the guy feel alil at ease with himself or maybe i simply like quiet guys or maybe im just plainly trying to make friends.
so yah my question , where do you draw the line between friendly and being too friendly? I’ve gone out with some men where by just rubbing their backs is considered as being too friendly.That act alone then was perceived as a sign of interest on my part. When in actual fact, is just how i show care and warmth. Even hugging now is considered too friendly. Ok given, it is not in our malay/islamic culture to hug another men who are not our ‘muhrim’. Fine i’m modern , but yah trivial things such as that gets you in a loop.
At times, it gets really tiring for me to proof to people that things are not how it seems. Constantly stating that i’m not interested with the man i was friendly with. Is just odd that you constantly have to justify your actions. For me to like someone as in really like takes alot.. I could fall for them there and then and not tell them because i simply want to digest it all. Usually the one i like..i rarely show much coz i’m usually the last to know when it comes to the liking department. Yes! that’s how blur i can get but that doesn’t mean that by me being kind..warm..caring and friendly is a sign of flirtations. Ah well..guess sometimes it is how it is..you just cant change people’s mind..
It sickens me to the bone, that my profession as a Designer is looked upon as 3rd rate in the profession pyramid. People here especially in South East Asia, they don’t give designers such as myself much credit. Just because we’re not part of the golden professional trinity