hope..the 4 letter word

(via papertissue)

Time is running out. Every day seem to past much faster. It’s been a bag filled with emotions for me. It’s funny how early in the year, i wished for this but now i wish i could just slow it down. It’s a catch 22. I hate my life at home but i want to be here in KL so i can be close to him. I can’t have one over the other if i want to be absolutely 100% happy. Staying in KL means living with mom and i can’t do that anymore.

To be absolutely free of mom, is to first get out of this country. Prove to her i can make it happen. I can stand on my own two feet. And hope by me being away, she’d learn to miss and appreciate me more. But then again with hope come expectations and that’s when it all goes to shit. I hate the word hope as much as i love it. It’s just been hard to hope for anything when you’re constantly being disappointed.

Its nice some time to have hope for a love that last or to achieve ultimate happiness or to have the love, respect and affection of a mother. It would have been such a completion. It’s not so much of worldly goods that does it for me. It has to be more than momentary happiness.


109th Bead


Someone once told me, life happens when you’re busily planning your life. And what has happened so far, has been scary for me. Questions upon questions keep pouring in. From my head..from my heart. So far, i’ve been braving it out..answering some of the questions..easing out some of my doubts. Stepping back and looking at things on a bigger perspective.

Like Elizabeth from the book..I realised that i can relate to her in so many ways.We all have insecurities..we all have fears..we all have doubts..its just how you deal and rise from the adversity that makes you remarkable. Like her, my journey of happiness hasn’t been pleasant but like her I’m trying to find me. HOW you ask? For me, now..is to take a chance.

So starting from here on end..make it simple for you. Ask yourself the most difficult question you can ask and try answering it without being emotional. Search for things that makes you happy. No matter how small. I learned that by looking for simple pleasures and happiness makes your day. Take every thing at a stride. And give yourself a break. Cry when you want to cry..But most of all …be honest with yourself..especially when you’re having a conversation.