The union of ones lips to another. Simplest act of care to show some form of intimacy and trust. Your body giving in to all the senses. Letting everything fall and just be caught in the moment. To feel passion in someone..from someone..to validate something within yourself. To feel some form of love, even though for a brief moment.
I still have flashes from my recent escapades. Every touch….move and sigh ..the way he tilts his head to the side ..to feel every bit of his lips against mine..savouring each others taste..making quiet promises..still lingers at the back of my mind..
Might i have that again..i wish for it..
They say there’s always a first time for everything. No matter how cautious you are, you can’t never be 100% secure or hurt proof when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ve always been an observant person. And if i like a guy, i’d study him intently. See what he’s all about. How he thinks. How is he like at his worst? Does he have a temper? sense of humour? and the list goes on and on.
Sometimes, it doesn’t take a lot..sometimes a good conversation and a bond over music, sells it all. And that’s how it went with my recent ex.Through out our short lived relationship, we had ups and down like any other relationship but i’d like to think we had more ups than the latter. i thought i knew him. i thought we parted amicably. I thought we had said what needed to be said to one another in regards to the demised of our relationship. I genuinely thought deep down we could salvage something and some how try to move on after the dust settled.After the wounds had healed on my part…but yah, life doesn’t work that way. Relationship is a two way road. I had my side.He had his.
To my disappointment, he painted an image that would deepen the cut and humiliation on my side even more than his. As if the first humiliation from being dumped wasn’t enough. I tried to understand as to why i was subjected to such treatment. Why did he have to belittle our relationship together after we broke up? Why did he belittled me? What did i ever do to deserve such hateful treatment? Why waste my time with empty promises? Did he think i went around town telling on him? What would i gain? I’d might as well shoot myself in the foot.
I’m tired of being accused of something i didn’t do. I’ve been wanting to say this aloud for awhile but i wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the strength.i didn’t want to hurt anybody but what about my hurt. Having to know everything and asked to keep silent and continue on broken. i’m tired of it.Whether he reads this or not doesn’t matter. Whether he thinks i’m being defensive or childish, doesn’t matter. I just want it out. Call me a drama queen or what ever, one thing you got right…I don’t know you..and i said it to you the week before you headed back for christmas..the guy i fell for and knew the 5 1/2 months we were together was a mirage. I respected you throughout our relationship and even after, why couldn’t you extended the same courtesy but then again…you never really respected me..the jokes on me..