I don’t know..

And my writer partner said to me…”face it..face your fear…listen to all the songs till u feel nothing. look back at photos what was once a happy memory..maybe..maybe by chance you can be free” Earlier today..at dinner..I was told time..time would heal it all..the wound would close up..an eventually i will feel nothing..

Some part of me..doesn’t want to let go..maybe i’m sadistic..maybe i like to be reminded of the betrayal..maybe i’m just still in shock..there’s a lot maybe in my head..to narrow down what is what..i don’t know..i’m all over the place.

I look at pictures of us..of him..of our time together..how happy we were at that short period of time. I still can’t get over him bitching about me to our friend. I don’t understand his anger towards me even after a year…i still don’t get it. I some time wonder how he would justify his actions to me one day if say i confronted him..would it soothe me?

i ask myself that constantly.

Would it give me closure knowing the reason why he said what he said to our friend?

The worse bit of it all..even after all the ordeal he put me through..i look at those picture..& all i can think about is how much i miss being next to him…talking to him..banter with him..but i guess…having those feeling reappear after awhile..and being able to put it down and typing it out…honestly..

i guess its a form of forgiveness..of some sort..i don’t know…one day at a time..

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