I’ve always wanted to be a red indian girl.
Absolutely in love with this band right now.On Loop.
The girl in the video is Coeur De Pirate
Come July, it would come to a full circle to when the ex and i hooked up. How time just flies. Looking back i wonder what made me like him? Did he make my tummy flutter? did it make it flip. I guess its a momentous thing for a girl to have butterflies and flippy movement in their tummy when it comes to men they like. Personally, i don’t go through this fluttering “phase” often so when i get one, i’d have those “wait a minute, is that for real” moments.
To an extent at the beginning the ex and i had that, the floating sensation. The only time i remember most was when we caught Broken Social Scene together in Singapore. Couldn’t get our hands off one another. Constantly hugging..kissing making googly eyes. I think the dude who sat behind us could have barfed looking at our lovey-dovey-ness. I’d barf or kick me for being so gooey in public but as a whole..looking at the relationship in a bigger perspective, he didn’t make me flip.
I think i should have known from the first kiss. It was better in my head. Anyway, ever since then i’ve been filtering the guys i date by their kisses. how passionate they are. And of all the frogs i kissed, only one made my insides go whoptidooooo..maybe because he’s super experience being that he’s 11 years ahead of me. The way he worked his lips..his hands..god his hands ..SUPER SEXY! everything about him is just hot. He just knew how to work it..work me. He took control and just staked claim. I was then truly in the arms of a man.
He’s everything i’d ask in a man except for his sudden Mr Hyde tendencies and his judgement of women. He kept on lugging me into the same group of all the women that hurt him in the past. how we’re all the same…it’s just annoying..too broken..and i don’t think i’d have the energy to want to endure that. It’s not something anyone can fix. It’s just disappointing how it all turned out. I actually thought he’d be the normal ones. Bummer that he makes me flip but we can’t be together..*shrugs* back to the trenches again
The union of ones lips to another. Simplest act of care to show some form of intimacy and trust. Your body giving in to all the senses. Letting everything fall and just be caught in the moment. To feel passion in someone..from someone..to validate something within yourself. To feel some form of love, even though for a brief moment.
I still have flashes from my recent escapades. Every touch….move and sigh ..the way he tilts his head to the side ..to feel every bit of his lips against mine..savouring each others taste..making quiet promises..still lingers at the back of my mind..
Might i have that again..i wish for it..
They say there’s always a first time for everything. No matter how cautious you are, you can’t never be 100% secure or hurt proof when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ve always been an observant person. And if i like a guy, i’d study him intently. See what he’s all about. How he thinks. How is he like at his worst? Does he have a temper? sense of humour? and the list goes on and on.
Sometimes, it doesn’t take a lot..sometimes a good conversation and a bond over music, sells it all. And that’s how it went with my recent ex.Through out our short lived relationship, we had ups and down like any other relationship but i’d like to think we had more ups than the latter. i thought i knew him. i thought we parted amicably. I thought we had said what needed to be said to one another in regards to the demised of our relationship. I genuinely thought deep down we could salvage something and some how try to move on after the dust settled.After the wounds had healed on my part…but yah, life doesn’t work that way. Relationship is a two way road. I had my side.He had his.
To my disappointment, he painted an image that would deepen the cut and humiliation on my side even more than his. As if the first humiliation from being dumped wasn’t enough. I tried to understand as to why i was subjected to such treatment. Why did he have to belittle our relationship together after we broke up? Why did he belittled me? What did i ever do to deserve such hateful treatment? Why waste my time with empty promises? Did he think i went around town telling on him? What would i gain? I’d might as well shoot myself in the foot.
I’m tired of being accused of something i didn’t do. I’ve been wanting to say this aloud for awhile but i wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the strength.i didn’t want to hurt anybody but what about my hurt. Having to know everything and asked to keep silent and continue on broken. i’m tired of it.Whether he reads this or not doesn’t matter. Whether he thinks i’m being defensive or childish, doesn’t matter. I just want it out. Call me a drama queen or what ever, one thing you got right…I don’t know you..and i said it to you the week before you headed back for christmas..the guy i fell for and knew the 5 1/2 months we were together was a mirage. I respected you throughout our relationship and even after, why couldn’t you extended the same courtesy but then again…you never really respected me..the jokes on me..
Finally, I can see you crystal clear.
Go ahead and sell me out and I’ll lay your ship bare.
See how I leave, with every piece of you
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do.
The art of declaring one’s affection or love to another human being is something i’ve always been interested to know. I guess because i’m a silly romantic. I just love hearing stories from friends and strangers on how they’d declare their love for their significant other.
Like my parents, they met at the library. My dad frequently went there to get my mom’s attention. He’d always find ways to sit close to her. He’d say silly things to get a reaction out of her but my mom didn’t take the bait. He tried so many times to win her and on the day he decided it would be his last try, my mom cocked her head to the side and smile and said “hey, you have fangs..i like guys with fangs” It’s cheesy i know but i’ve always kept that story close to heart . Just found it adorable that my mom had my dad at his fangs.
But yah, the art of professing one’s feelings is a true art form. Through out my dating “career” ( i say career because its a full time job on it own) I’ve done silly things to profess my affections to my significant other. I’ve written songs. I wrote text messages while they were sleeping next to me to tell them how i felt. I sneaked in a note in his bag and so much more. To some, all these acts are deemed childish..high school even..but most silly romantics i know..such acts are looked upon as sweet and adorable.
It’s not everyday one would get such declaration and admiration from a significant other. Professing one’s feelings is a momentous act for each person. It takes a lot out of them to be able to do such things. Its something to admire instead of it be made a mockery. Its an action to tell the other how he or she is special in their eyes. In our eyes. Its something that you shouldn’t fear because its the purest sense of honesty. A form of flattery. Regardless of how it’s been done, when you’re in love you just do silly things.
